up and listening to jane get bridge off. me scrambling to get out the door to see this 1" 8 track i've been thinking about getting up in new hampshire. of course it turns out to be farther away than it seemed. slow rainy traffic some beautiful spots i'd have loved to stop at.... the machine of course having broke down while it was stored as we eventually uncovered, and the complexity of trying to figure out what exactly was wrong all the more agravating that the parts that worked sounded so amazing, they don't make em like they used too. so i wind up leaving back on the road for another 3 hours empty handed. nice talk by george mcgovern on the radio on the way up. reminding me of the time i was bridge's age (4) and donated 20 cents to his presidential campaign. they announced it on the t.v. we were watching at my grandmother's house. he's still going strong and had some great things to say about social security. much introspection on the way home wondering if there is some special significance to seeming difficulty of accomplishing practically everything currently. and my inner state, like bradley was saying,"the fine line between detachment and collapse." big telescope up to look at the moon, couldn't land mars in it, though it seemed right there. another bizarre defeat.

up to teach assist at sunday school. nice group of kids. during the candle lighting ceremony of children's chapel the first 5 kids lit candles for the death of a cat hamster rat rabbit and dog. happier thoughts followed not the least of which was bridge who lit his candle to celebrate that his mommy had gotten him a video game for christmas. much oohing and ahhhing from the others. did an alright job with the kids. home and improvising the day a bit. shari over with free and hazel, bridge so excited to see free and hazel that he could hardly stay in his skin. tiger, the cat coming to visit for a few days. in the end a nice day. over to the dojo to work with the circle the extra time i left myself to prepare being eaten up by various bodily necessities, and that too recurrent moment of wondering what am i going to do for these good people.

and so victor arrives at the other side of another holiday season. the shopping, the blue man party, the pre christmas shows, the christmas at aunt christine's, the drive home in the pouring rain, the christmas shows all ten of them, the 38th birthday, the new years eve's shows and blue man party, new years, more shows, jane's birthday, mother margaret's birthday, much to think about, much to do. much planning for an art installation with jane. getting the equipment and the sounds for the 'artic listening post'. a lot to do.... today ok, up real early, like 6:30 with bridge. getting bridge's situation together for school. he seems to have made another transition of late, one where he is thinking through crisis and frustration, realizing he can use his reason to reunderstand a situation and find a new option for being happy and making things work. he has repeated this behavior daily for the past 3 days. jane coming home from the bridge drop off becoming very upset that i did not inform her that i hadn't been able to clean the car since the cousins muddied it during the christmas event. the two of us managed a pretty good team getting it clean. something of an uninterrupted nap today, much needed, as it has been a fairly long stretch, and i could see the fatigue effecting my work. and tonight i could see the difference. been recommending the movie 'serenity' to everyone. and watching a download of the 2nd season of battlestar gallactica am more deeply amazed that firefly was not picked up.